Most Christians are more or less familiar with the so-called Great Commission passage of Scripture, at the end of Matthew’s Gospel, where Jesus says, “Therefore, go and make disciples…” What may be less familiar to many readers is the verse immediately before that one, 28:17. The Common English Bible reads,
“When [the disciples] saw [Jesus], some worshipped, but some doubted.”
Wow. What an interesting statement. Some doubted. Some of those who were standing there with the risen Jesus doubted.
It would be tempting to understand this verse as describing two groups of people. On one side, we have those who worshipped. These are surely the ones who give us an example to which we should aspire. On the other side, we have some who doubted. These are the skeptics. The two seem natural opposites. Which group will we be like?
Here’s the problem. Though most translations separate the two groups, the Greek text itself suggests that the subject of worshipped is the same subject of doubted. That is, only one group of people is envisioned.
As Walter Moberly suggests, the disciples worship, in light of the mystery revealed to them here, but they are hesitant, because they don’t fully understand what has happened and what it means.
I find myself resonating much better with that rendering. Sure, I have moments of profound worship. I encounter the mysteries of what God is doing in the world, and I fall on my face, so to speak. But almost in the same moment, I can experience uncertainty.
One stream of influence in my own faith journey would claim that the first rendering—that there are two groups of people, worshippers and doubters—is a more appropriate rendering. To doubt is not to worship, and to worship is to put aside all doubt, they might say. In fact, sometimes worship for them is the putting aside or ignoring of real doubts that they feel internally.
Now, I could be wrong. But I’ve come to believe that such a simplistic understanding of the matter is complete bullshit.
I resonate much more deeply with Bono, from U2, on the matter:
“You broke the bonds, you loosed the chains, carried the cross of my shame, of my shame. You know I believe it. But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.”
In fact, I have found that the two—worship and doubt—are often mutually informative. When I embrace my doubt, I’m invited into s journey of humble exploration that leads to a more reverent posture. And as I worship, I bring my doubt into the light.
Back in Matthew, in the next verse, we do not read this:
“And Jesus said, ‘How on earth are any of you still doubting?? You foolish disciples!'”
Jesus doesn’t seem too bothered by the fact that the disciples were hesitant.
I don’t think God is troubled by our hesitancy. I don’t think that God demands that we put aside all doubt. In fact, true faith—true allegiance—is sometimes staying committed to another even when we doubt them. It’s about a committed relationship. And in that context, it’s O.K. to be hesitant. Instead of ignoring our doubts, I think that in the end, our faith will be stronger if we move into and through them.